A Time Of Randomness
by ElfPirate
Summary: A lunch date between Phoenix,Maya, and Edgeworth turns into something else.
1. Chapter 1

Pheonix went to his office, exhausted, once again picking a case where his client is more than likely to be guilty. Facing Edgeworth in court would make it even more difficult. "NICK." He heard Maya yelling from outside. "Guess who is with me."

A very familiar prosecutor entered the office behind Maya. "Hello Wright," he said curtly as he glanced around Phoenix's office for the moment.

"What are you doing here?" Pheonix wasn't in the mood to deal with Edgeworth.

"No need to sound so eager to have me, Wright," Edgeworth said sarcastically. "In fact, I was invited over," he added, glancing to the spirit medium girl.

Pheonix turned to Maya. "Why did you bring him here?," he whispered to her, "I buy you hamburgers and this is how you repay me."

"Well, Wright, you've succeeded in making me feel welcomed," Edgeworth rolled his eyes. He had an urge to look through Phoenix's papers to see if the pointy haired lawyer had any information that could benefit him in trial, but he considered that beneath him anyway.

"Like you would make me feel welcome if I was in your office," Pheonix replied holding the case file close to him, not trusting Edgeworth," and your welcome. Maya decided to break the tension. "So... Who wants to eat?"

Eating whatever those two supplied wasn't exactly appealing to Edgeworth, but the prosecutor politely agreed to eating.

Pheonix was agreed to but then a thought crossed him. "Who is paying for the food?" He said eyeing Maya, not trusting the smirk on her face. She lifted up a tattered wallet. "You of course!"

Edgeworth couldn't help but smirk at Phoenix. "How nice of you, Wright."

"WHAT??!!" Pheonix glared at the pair. Why am I always paying, goodbye to buying myself a new matress.

"So, what might we be eating?" Edgeworth asked, pressing the tips of his fingers together.

Pheonix wanted to wipe that smirk off his face. "We are going to be eating Italian." Maya jumped up and down, happy to be eating anything delicious.

"And are we to be eating this here, or will we be leaving to eat out?" Edgeworth asked, innocently continuing to press his fingers together. "I just would like to know if I should remove my coat or not." He was still smirking.

"Oh yes we wouldn't want your 'pink jacket' to get ruined now." Pheonix stated sarcasticly. He left the room before Edgeworth could reply. "Nick were are you going?" "To Miles' car, after all I don't have a license." It was Pheonix's turn to be smug. A smile was forming on his lips.

"Oh yes, it's nice to be proud of yourself having no license," Edgeworth shot back, following Phoenix out. "I suppose I'll drive then."

Not wanting Edgeworth to have the last word he said something he knew woulf get on Edgeworth's nerves. "I'm sure you only have a car to drive around your woman, Oldbag." Maya started laughing. "Oh hi Edgey Poo." Pheonix imitating her.

Edgeworth could feel himself twitch a little at the previous statement, and he grew annoyed. He got into the driver's seat and rolled his eyes. "Honestly, Wright, We're not five anymore," he said, glancing to Phoenix. "Well, perhaps you are, since you can't even drive."

"Better then having a creep old security lady stalking me." Pheonix smiled at winning this little battle between them. Maya's stomach growled with hunger. "Guys can you finish this at the restraunt. I'm starving."

Edgeworth started up the engine to his car and began to drive. "Do I...detect jealousy, Wright?" he asked, keeping his eyes focused on the road. "Just so you know, I harbor no feelings for Miss Oldbag. If you wanted a date with me that much, Wright, you could have just asked." Edgeworth smirked. "Now, where am I going?"

Pheonix felt himself going red with embarrassment and Mya wasn't helping. "Nick and Edgeworth sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love then comes marriage. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Then comes out babies coming from Nick."

Edgeworth smirked a little bit, feeling rather victorious now. Although, he couldn't help but listen to Maya, and wonder what the heck she was saying. He wasn't familiar with that...er..chant. "So, yes, where am I going..."Nick"?" The prosecutor smirked.

Pheonix didn't know what to say. How can Edgey be so calm after hearing that? he wondered. "Just go to this little cafe on 32st." he murmered.

"Alright," Edgeworth replied cooly and continued along the road.

The three were almost there when out of nowhere a blue blur jumped in front of Edgeworth's car.

The second Edgeworth saw this blue blur, he slammed on his brakes and came to an abrupt stop. "What was that?" he hissed, looking around.

Pheonix was about to say something when the he heard the most annoying voice ever known to man. "OH EDGEY POO, my love I'm here for you." His eyes went wide to see Wendy Oldbag.

Edgeworth imediatly froze. No, this was not happening...yes, that was it! He was experiencing a horrible nightmare. Man, he should have just run her over and not bothered to break. "Good evening Miss Oldbag," he said politely, fidgiting all over.

Pheonix almost felt bad for him... almost. This was the perfect way to get back at Edgeworth. "Hello Miss Oldbag, Edgey her was telling me how he wanted you to accompany us to A fancy restraunt." Miss Oldbag lit up immediatly. "Of course I accept. Then we can talk about you fathering my babies."

Edgeworth could literally feel himself close to vomiting, and he tried to conceal the pure terror written all over his face. "I...should pull into the parking lot...If...if you could move momentarily, Miss Oldbag, then I can park..." he said, as he was kind of blocking traffic.

Maya felt bad so she thought she should step in to help Edgeworth. "Miss Oldbag there is something you need to know." "What you whippersnapper." Oldbag growled. "Um.... Pheonix is pregnant with Edgeworth's baby."

Edgeworth felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He only wished Maya had come up with something more logical. Perhaps Oldbag would buy it and leave him alone. "It's true, Miss Oldbag," Edgeworth confirmed cooly, looking to the older lady. "I'm sorry for any confusion there might have been."

Oldbag couldn't believe her ears. "How he is a male, and males can't become pregnant." Maya quickly came up with a response. "That was if he was a male." Pheonix couldn't believe his ears. "He is a she, secretly pretending to be a man." Pheonix felt like fainting.

Edgeworth nodded in agreement. He'd rather pretend to be with Phoenix than be forced to be with Oldbag. "I deeply apologize Miss Oldbag."

Oldbag was determined and wouldn't leave that easily. "Prove it."

"Miss Oldbag, Wri--...Phoenix is not visibly pregnant yet," Edgeworth said, feeling very strained when he said this. "How could I possibly prove this?" He looked over to Phoenix casually, wondering how he was taking this.

Pheonix was on the verge of fainting. He wanted to know why Oldbag had to show up in the first place. "Docters, tomarrow at noon." Pheonix said

"Wright, what are you saying?" Edgeworth hissed, looking to Phoenix.

"Do you have any better ideas?," he whispered back harshly, "Beside I have a friend in the medical field who can help us."

Edgeworth rubbed his temples in annoyance. This woman was far more trouble than she was worth. "Alright then. The doctor's office," he muttered, looking to Oldbag.

Oldbag wanted to say more but decided not to. She turned and glared at Pheonix, who shrinked under her gaze. "Fine but if your lieing to me then Edgey you have to marry me and let me give you something he/she can't... children."

Edgeworth was almost certain he was going to vomit that time. "Miss Oldbag, I don't necessarily have to accept your challenge," he straightened up.

Oldbag glared even more at Pheonix and left without saying another word. The long silence was interrupted by Maya. "What a soap drama moment, worthy of being on the Lifetime network."

Edgeworth tried to casually brush this off, trying to pretend like it never happened. "Well....shall we eat?" he asked, inahling deeply.

Pheonix gave a slow nod. He wasn't sure want to say maybe eating would help keep his mind off of the events that just transpired. "You couldn't come up with a better idea Maya?" he murmured to himself, hoping no one heard him.

"You got us in to this Wright. You're the one who invited her to dinner," Edgeworth huffed, looking over to Phoenix as he actually entered the cafe place.

Pheonix felt like he would explode. "WHAT!! This isn't my fault, I only did it as a joke. Why did you even go along with it?," Pheonix turned to Maya. "Here is my wallet use the money to buy food and get a cab. I'm leaving."

"You're going to walk home, Wright?" Edgeworth raised his eyebrows. "I believe you'll be needing the cab."

"I can walk, especially if it means getting away from you. I was having a fine time before you showed up." he stated even though he lied about his day being fine.

Edgeworth rolled his eyes. "You're being ridiculous, Wright. Just stay here and eat your food." He said this all very slowly, as if he were talking to a child.

"I'm ridiculous, look who is talking. At least I'm not wear a cravat or pink suit." Pheonix said getting more aggitated by the second. By now the whole cafe was looking at them. Maya scooted away from them, not wanting to get wierd stares.

"Oh, honestly Wright," Edgeworth rolled his eyes, gripping the other man's wrist and pulling him outside. "If you're going to make a scene, it might as well be out here."

Pheonix didn't care if he was acting like a child. He grabbed a plate with pasta on it and shoved in Edgeworth's face.

Edgeworth was genuinely taken aback. He staggered backwards and he stayed still. Without even thinking, he flung the pasta back at Phoenix, very, very irritated.

Pheonix grabbed the next thing on the table; a glass of milk. He dumped it on Edgeworth and took off running before Edgeworth could do something back.

Edgeworth seemed to get a hold of himself, and he stood there, trembling. He grabbed a handkerchief from the table, wiped his face, and turned back around to go find Maya.

"What happened?" Maya asked. The way Edgeworth looked made her fear what he would do Pheonix.

"The so called defense attorney is a mere child," Edgeworth scowled, cleaning himself up. "I suppose I should drive you home now, yes?"

"O-Ok." On the car ride home Maya saw Pheonix on a bridge. "Just drop me off here."

Edgeworth just nodded, pulling over. "I'm sorry you never had a chance to eat," he frowned, parking the car.

"While you were having your food fight I was munching on people's plate, so it's ok. Maybe you should go over and apologize to Pheonix after all you did go along with what i said." With that she took off to the office.

Edgeworth sighed and rolled his eyes. He got out of his car and folded his arms across his chest. It was kind of cold out today. "Wright," he said curtly one he reached the other man.


	2. Chapter 2

"You smell!!" Pheonix blurted out.

"Well, a man in a cheap blue suit did bombard me in food." Edgeworth pulled out a napkin and wiped off the remains.

"Better cheap and blue, then pink and girly."

"For the last time it isn'tpink!" Edgeworth's pale skin turning red, teeth clenched.

"Magenta doesn't make you mascaline either. Ladies love blue more."

"That is why you only had one girlfriend. Dahlia Hawthorne, a vile murderer, who tried to kill you."

"At least I had one."  
"I have had one."

"Your dog, Pess, doesn't count."

A slap to the back of both thier heads, the heated argument brought to a abrupt ending. Maya stood behind them, hands on her hips, and face ready to explode. Neither one said anything in fear of setting her off. However, fate had other plans.

"I haven't even left the street and you two start going at it. Not to mention you both cost me a free, delicious, and beautiful meal. It's sad enough to make someone cry!" Maya lectured, her eyes big and round.

"......."

"Now we need to fix the mess that Edgeworth caused." Maya started walking circles around them, ignoring Edgeworth's glare of death.

"How is this my mess?" he asked.

"Your the one with an old lady stalker."

"Shut up Wright! You pathetic excuse of an attorney, you don't even know what your doing half the time."

"I got it!" Maya started jumping up and down, with a victory smile.

"What is it?" Both men eager to get out of the situation.

"Franziska."

"........"

"It could work, she is pregnant after all." How the hell Larry got her pregnant I will never know, Pheonix shivered at the thought. "I doubt she will agree to help us, Wright, she does hate you after all. You would need to be the luckiest man on Earth for her to help you." Edgeworth clarified.

"Where have you been all this time? My life is basically surrounded by luck, plus, if Larry can get her what makes you think she won't help me."

"True, but don't say I didn't tell you when Franziska attacks you with a whip. You are making a ridiculous request."

"This is your problem too. If you don't help me I will tell Oldbag you have the marriage all planned out. Get prepared to have children and call her Mrs. Oldbag Edgeworth."

"Don't even joke like that." Edgeworth turned paler than usual. He shivered at the thought of that woman being married to him.

"It is settled then." Maya said, nodding her head up and down. 


	3. Chapter 3

"The answer is no you foolishly foolish fool. I will not pretend to be that fool of a defense attorney. After all with my perfection, I couldn't possible pass for him." Franziska said, holding the whip in her hand. Larry attempted to get close her but felt the wrath of her whip. "How could you even thing of helping them? I will not put my child in this foolishly foolish situation caused the man who is unworthy of the Von Karma name." At hearing this statement Edgeworth rolled his eyes.

"But, Franny they are my best friends." Larry said with a pout. He once again had the whip crash down on him.

"Do not call me by such a foolish name. The answer is no." Larry opened his mouth before closing them. His lips formed into a big grin.

"I love you and will do what you want," Larry turned towards the Phoenix and Edgeworth who were shaking their heads back and forth. "I shall help you get rid of this oldbag. My amazing words alone shall make her leave."

"Somehow, I doubt that very much. You will turn this into a bigger mess." Edgeworth mumbled.

"Edgy, how can you say such a thing? Don't doubt the one, Larry Butz." Larry cried with his fist in the air. Larry opened the door before running in the streets looking for Oldbag. After an hour of searching Pheonix and Edgeworth caught up with Larry who was arguing with Oldbag.

"Don't sass me you whippersnapper. How dare you talk to your elder in such a way," Oldbag noticed Edgeworth in the corner of her eyes, "Oh Edgy poo come save me from this disrespectful whippersnapper." Larry began shaking his head getting louder with each word. Phoenix looked around and noticed people were staring. He could feel his face growing warmer and quickly whispered to Edgeworth,

"Hurry up and do something." Edgeworth quickly cleared his throat before grabbing Oldbag.

"Miss…Oldbag, need I remind you that I harbor no feelings for you. Please, desist in following me everywhere I go. Next time you bother me I will file a restraining order. Thank you and have a good day." The three friends left oldbg to fume by the tree.

"If you had just done that from the beginning we wouldn't have gone through all that trouble." Phoenix said. Before Edgeworth could respond he as cut off by Larry,

"Who wants Samurai dogs?"


End file.
